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The one where everything crashes down but she still pretends that everything's ok.

I'm not ok. I can tell you that much. I don't know when will be the day I'm gonna get another episode. But I know it's coming. And I'm not sure anyone can help me stop it. No, I'm not depressed. Am I? I keep telling myself that I'm not.

Am I heartbroken? why yes... yes I am. Do I regret what I'd done. No. I never do. Never did. But I'm pissed. Very... The asshole found another bitch to fuck barely a month after I dumped him. Yas told me... How much I told him I don't wanna know, he have to tell me all these just coz he said I should know. I have to know.

And I doesn't help that the stupid dumbo keep trying to view my friendster though it's on private mode. And on top of that he have the cheek to put some of MY friends as his featured friends.. Luckily danny'd deleted him.

And that bitch. I pity that bitch. But then again. she's a bitch all the same. So bitch. Bitch!

I'd tendered my resignation last friday. Long story. It's a shocker ain't it? But I have to leave before things gets worst. Or even worse, I'll get stuck in the job like most of 'em. I'd never intended to leave this early though. But yeah, I do things at random.

Ouh.. one more thing. I'm a fucking liar. I'm a FUCKING LIAR. yes I am. I am a liar a point where I have no fucking idea what was the thing I'd lied about. I have no inkling what I did or have done to have deserve all these. And I thought I'd meant more than this. I had enough though. enough.. I'd decided to take all the blame. Yes, I'm wrong. I'm used to taking all the blame. Been doing it for almost 26 years now. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't even want to defend, retaliate or do whatever anymore.

So this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be.. wait.. I'm NOT gonna be around for anyone or anything anymore. I do not want to care about it either. Mati masuk kubur pun sendiri aper. Jadi tak payah lah sakitkan hati atau diri. So I'll be invisible ya. You all will get over it sooner or later. Y'all be fine ok?...

I apologize.. I beg all of u to forgive me, for all the wrong things I'd done/did/about to do to all of you. I'm really really really am sorry.. I don't know if you all will believe a liar like me. But even if you all don't.. heck... whatever la. I don't exist anymore ok? Forget me.

Well, I bet things can't get any worst than this...

Good nite all. Goodbye.

Ehhh.. your biological clock not ticking ticking ah??

That's what my mum asked me recently. In a bid to find out whether am I attached or not, And when will she have another grandchild. Sheesh...She should worry more about my all messed up body clock instead.. Rarely able to sleep before 3am nowadays.

Besides, I'm ok with myself being single right now. Or rather am adapting to it. Though I can't help but to peek at his friendster once in a while. Noticed that he'd deleted all the pictures he took with other girls. But he kept the ones he took with me. No idea why. Too bad I'd no more love for him. He should've cherished what he had. Ha... ha... ha.

On another note, Apologies if I'd been quite distance with all of you lately. Manic relapses getting the best of me. I kinda missed the feeling so I'm kinda 'entertaining' them now. shiiiokzz.. Rather not have my friends get affected by these sillyness... I'll be back soon ok?

Ouh and I sooooo want these..

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An Ultimatum

I think I'm finally ready to let go.

Thank you all for your words of advise.

Shikin for knocking sense into me.

Adz for the great advise.

My randomers.

My lovely, lovely.... Ema.

He have 3 days to 'decide'.

That's all I can give him.

For the fact that I still love him.

I'd made up my mind.

I know it will be hard.

But I know I'll get better.

I need all of you to hold my hands and tell me I'll be fine.

Tell me I'm beautiful.

Lots of hugs please.

And let it lingers...

One more thing,

Please stop me if you see me going soft once more and decide to give him another chance.

And if he ever ask you why, Let him know that he'd lost someone who'd truly loved him.

And he'll never find another like me.

That's my curse to him.

Thank you.